Twists and Keeping Damage to a Minimum

After 12 years of styling Syd's hair, I've gotten pretty good at minimizing damage as much as possible. However, now that Syd is taking over a lot of the detangling, we're starting to see some damage at the ends. We're definitely going to have to trim the ends very soon to get rid of all that damage.

But that's ok!

We all know that learning to properly care for curly hair takes time. Be careful not to expect too much from your child as she learns to take care of her own hair...I know I did my fair share of damage over the years. But with patience and practice, I have learned several little tips and tricks that help keep damage to a minimum.

This post is going to focus on one of those tips...and here it is: Since we weren't shampooing between styles, we moved from one style to another without a comb touching Syd's hair!

When I took down Syd's latest cornrow style, I removed the cornrows on 1/4 of her hair at a time. After I removed those cornrows, I put that quarter of her hair into one big loose braid to keep it detangled. When I had removed the entire style, we were left with this:

We then focused on one of those sections at a time. I tied three of the braids up out of the way and started with the back left section. I removed that braid and used my fingers to gently detangle the entire section. Remember, I braided this hair immediately after removing the cornrows, so there really weren't any tangles. The best way to keep detangling easy is to prevent the tangles in the first place. This finger detangling was done mostly to remove the loose strands that were shed while her hair had been in the last style.

I decided to start in the very back of Syd's hair, so I used my fingers to separate out a section of hair at Syd's nape. I just clipped the rest up and out of the way for a minute.

Since I like to do twists on hair that is slightly damp, I misted this piece of hair with plain water in a spray bottle. I then added just a bit of styling product, ran my fingers through her hair to distribute the product evenly, and started twisting.

In order to make sure the twists last as long as possible, it's important to twist as tightly as possible. It's tempting to rush it and not twist as tight, but the twists loosen up on their own. If you don't start off with a very tight twist, you will end up with very loose twists that will quickly become frizzy. In the two pictures below, you can see how tightly I twisted this section of hair, and then how it loosened up the minute I let go.

The twist while I was holding it

See how it got looser after I let go? It will loosen/plump up even more as it dries completely.

And then I repeated that process 33 more times as I moved through the rest of her hair.

In the end, we have a head full of great looking twists and my fingers were the only tools used. No brush, no comb, no damage. =)

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Attack of the Killer Hairbrush

We'll get to the above picture in a minute. First, let's play pretend. 

Picture this: You decide to grow a flower garden. You spend hours learning about which flowers will work best with the soil, temperatures, and amount of sunlight they will get in the new garden. You purchase all the tools you will need, you order high-priced seeds and plant food, and you even buy the perfect garden accessories to decorate your new garden. In time, you see the little seedlings start popping up from the soil and you get very excited.

About a month later, the plants are standing tall and have budding flowers at their tips. When you see this, you go to your garage and grab a rake. You take your rake over to the flower garden, drag the rake back and forth across the flowers without reason, and return the rake to its place in the garage. The following weekend, as you stand back and assess the state of your garden, you wonder why your flowers aren't as tall and pretty as the flowers in your neighbor's garden.

Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But that's exactly what some people do do their hair!

People go out of their way to buy the best products for their hair. They pay close attention to every single ingredient. And they make sure to even have the perfect looking accessories. But many people seem to forget that, like flowers, your hair needs to be handled with care. Raking through your tresses with a brush or comb will damage your hair just like the rake damaged the flowers in the illustration above.

I know it can be frustrating to have a head full of coils staring you down at the end of a long day. You're tired. You just want to relax. We've all been there. But that doesn't mean the right choice is to run a brush through those curls as fast as you can in an attempt to finish as quickly as possible. That may get that particular detangling session finished faster, but at what cost?

Tearing though your hair causes damage, plain and simple. And damaged hair actually becomes more difficult to detangle in the future because the damaged ends catch on the neighboring strands. This means even MORE detangling, and if you don't detangle gently it means even MORE damage. It's a vicious cycle.

I personally know people who spend a fortune on hair care products for themselves and/or their children in the search for something that will make their hair feel healthier and grow faster. But then they tear their hair to shreds with a brush. No product in the world can protect your strands from the ferocious attack of the killer hairbrush.

What you can use to fight off the damage caused by rough brushing is GENTLENESS. If your hair is tangled, be patient with it. Get it wet and load it up with conditioner. Use your fingers to separate those intertwined curls as much as possible before you reach for your comb or brush. Sure, you have to invest a little more time, but it's sooo worth it!

To see a head of hair being detangled gently, check out this post about detangling by the lovely and wise Miss A from Beads Braids & Beyond.

One more thing to remember: If you release your frustration onto your daughter's hair and start using a brush like a rake, you will likely cause pain for your child. And if hair time becomes something that your child dreads, how will she ever learn to embrace the beautiful curls she was born with? Your child's attitude is greatly influenced by yours, so take your time, detangle gently, and turn hair time into a time of bonding while you teach your daughter how to properly take care of those curls.

More about → Attack of the Killer Hairbrush

Your Thoughts: Are Women More Judgmental Than Tween Girls?

I always thought tween/teen girls would be much more judgmental of each other than adult women would ever dream of being toward a child. Agreed? Recent events have actually led me to believe otherwise, at least where natural hair is concerned.

The majority of girls at Syd's school with tight curls are already using chemicals to straighten their coils. That doesn't stop Syd from showing off her love of big curly hair, though. And nobody at school has ever had a single negative thing to say about it. But when an unexpected rain storm popped up and wreaked havoc on Syd's style, she and I were both nervous.

Here's what happened. Do you remember this twist out style from a couple weeks ago? Well, what I didn't tell you in that post is that it rained that morning. The weather man didn't say it was going to rain. The forecast didn't say it was going to rain. But it rained. And Syd didn't have an umbrella.

When she left the house, she looked like this:

When she came home, she looked like this:

The rain had completely ruined her twist out. And there was still some definition left over, but only in random places. Her hair was stuck somewhere between a style with defined curls and an undefined afro type of style.  Either of those styles are loved at our house, but this whole in between look? Not so beloved.

To top this off, Syd's first middle school dance was held that day after school. She said she had pulled it into a low ponytail just for an hour to get it off her neck while she danced.

When she got home, I asked her if anyone at school had said anything about her hair. Surprisingly, she said the only comments she got were POSITIVE ones. (I guess Syd isn't the only one at her school who loves big hair!) But when we went to the store later that night, her frizzy hair received more than one disapproving look from adult women. When we were walking away from the hair products aisle, I even heard one woman tell her daughter (who looked to be around Syd's age and had relaxed hair), "THAT is why you need a relaxer."

It took everything in me to keep walking instead of going back to tell that woman exactly how I felt about her attitude, Syd's hair, and people thinking they HAVE to use chemicals to make their hair look good. But I was the bigger person. Syd hadn't heard her, so even though it stung, I pretended I hadn't heard her either. 

Ever since that day, I've thought about how much more judgmental the grown women in the store were than the middle school girls that Syd was around. It was surprising that the adults seem to have more of a "mean girls" attitude than the tweens and teenagers.

What do you think? Have you ever experienced anything like this, either from kids or other adults?

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Dealing With Different Curl Patterns

Most of you probably know that Syd loves big hair. Wash-n-go styles make her a happy girl because that's when her hair is the biggest. However, that is also one of the hardest styles for us to get looking good because of the variety of curl patterns on her head. I have spoken to a few people who said they chose to relax their hair because of this very thing.

When taking a picture of the big hair for this post last week, I took the picture below, too. Syd was making a weird face so I almost deleted it, but then I realized how visible her different curl patterns are. I know I have talked about this before, but this might help show what I'm talking about.

The hair on the sides of Syd's head curls up much more loosely than the rest of her hair. There's only a small amount of hair with the looser curl pattern and it just lays on top of the tighter curls. This used to drive me crazy (and sometimes it still does) because it means the hair in the back curls up much more tightly and appears shorter than the sides.

Because of this, we have learned to adjust the amount of product we use on the different sections. The sides don't require near as much product. If we didn't use less on the sides, those parts of her hair would be weighed down and appear lifeless. I also keep thinking about having the sides of her hair cut shorter than the rest to help even things out, but I haven't done that yet.

Another method you can use to deal with different curl patterns is to stick with twist outs, braid outs, and roller sets. This helps give all the hair a more uniform look. We don't use this method as often anymore, but that's mostly because of Syd's growing love for big, voluminous hair.

I know most curly-headed people don't have uniform curls all over their heads, but some heads have more varied curls than others. There is always a way to work with your hair without reaching for chemicals or heat. Play around and embrace those curls - all sizes of them!

More about → Dealing With Different Curl Patterns

"She's Old Enough For A Relaxer"

Now you all know I didn't say that...but it was said to me. Here's the story:

After wearing her hair in small twists for a couple weeks, Syd was anxious to see her beloved "big hair" again. When taking the style out, I wet her hair and added a lot of Kinky Curly Knot Today. Once all the twists were out, we were left with hair that looked very similar to (but not exactly like) a wash-n-go. It was big and Syd loved it. I told her she could let her curls fly freely all weekend, knowing that she didn't have school on Monday and we'd style it that day.

This is what her hair looked like all weekend: big, but moisturized and healthy.

We had a busy weekend. We spent time shopping, at church, and at the park. Syd got compliments on her hair everywhere we went. She also got looks from people who obviously weren't fans of such huge hair. I think that's why Syd loves wearing her hair like this. Love it or hate it, people DO notice hair that big.

We can usually tell when someone doesn't like the mass of curls on Syd's head. Their facial expressions make that obvious. But the only actual comments we've ever received have been positive. I guess a lot of people in our area follow that golden rule: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. But this weekend, one woman in particular didn't follow that rule.

We were hanging out having a good time when this woman looked at me and said, "You know, she's old enough for a relaxer."

I looked at this woman and said something to the effect of, "Yes. She's old enough. But I don't plan on destroying her hair just to try to help her fit in with people who don't love her the way she is." She didn't really have a response for that, so the encounter was over.

Not everyone is going to appreciate the beauty Syd and I see in a head full of loose curls. I get that. And I completely accept that. After all, we all have our own opinions and preferences. But since when is it appropriate to suggest to a parent that they alter their child's appearance? Actually, I know the answer to that question: IT'S NOT!

What about you? Have you ever been on the receiving end of this type of comment? How did you handle it?

More about → "She's Old Enough For A Relaxer"